I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize