1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize