Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
