Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
