I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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