He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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