Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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