she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
