with your own penis?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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