HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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