yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
