You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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