I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my being single is dangerous.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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