my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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