the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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