Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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