Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
