My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need moral support for this bender
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
