Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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