I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
