Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
