If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
