In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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