he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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