While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
