I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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