I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
