A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
