I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
