i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
