he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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