plz talk dirty to me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
