I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
