The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
