Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
