Acid is not a monday night drug
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
