She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
