There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
