somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize