I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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