i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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