Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
