the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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