$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
