Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
