I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i have two assholes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
