You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize