somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
