your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
