How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
