end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We got so high we made milksteak
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
