what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We had to coat check the pizza.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
