She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize