it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
