Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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