im drinking this country out of the recession.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
