The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
