i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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