I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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