WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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