Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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