No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
