First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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