speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize