I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
