At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
