Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize